A bipolar Soul..

Wow the stress of us leaving. My moms been a mess lately she just broke two plates and then a glass bowl 20 min later. The kids have been off in their own universe no even listening. Sister being disrespectful and brother forgetful. they just walk around acting like they don't care anymore. I can tell I have been muted by them so I'm powering down my stomach hurts and my head pounds. I have anger in my heart from some stupid man who will just never understand. There is another one though who I would give my soul too but just another broken soul.
My body is so tired and motivation is gone. I feel deflated by everything these are the days I struggle through. There hard to predict and forecast even when I am aware of the tensions and stressors. These are the days that I wonder how long I can maintain while I wait for the process of my body to accommodate what is around me and my circumstances. Trying to walk on egg shells around my family because I am moody. I don't want to take it out on them so I try to limit what I say, do and how I act. Frustration of course gets in my way so I stop and try to think at least is sunny then I feel tired because I don't have the energy to go anymore. So much to get done my mind starts planning for tomorrow. I worry that I will miss a deadline or worse wake up again like this or even worse tomorrow. A constant restructuring of my mindset and how I will cope. This sometimes gets very overwhelming causing me sleep and more agony. How can I explain a pain that the brain only can control knowing my anger and how to contain it is my only hope. I really don't want to blow because I already know where that all goes. It ends badly and most of all it does not solve the illness inside me instead it grows. How will others know, how can I prevent my kids from feeling all alone when their mother can be so hot and cold. I am doing all this so others in the future for my sake and sanity as I watch the future grow. Has any one herd of Henry Murray he's the finest know. A man who taught so many in psychology and had his own philosophy's but others around just don't know we follow Maslow. Let us not forget how far knowledge can go when we look back into the history and key notes. So here I am with my own stories which so few even know, how much I have learned and grown by just being me being A bipolar soul.

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